guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
