my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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