just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
