Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
