I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
