He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
