oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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