she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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