Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize