Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
