omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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