and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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