I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
