fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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