my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im part way to drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
