I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
