Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
