he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
