just tell him i said nine months
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I currently don't understand fingers.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
