if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
