He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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