There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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