shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
