I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
