I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
