Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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