he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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