If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
