my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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