i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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