this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
