I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
