When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
