'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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