I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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