toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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