I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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