you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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