he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
