He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Semen is not good for contacts.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
