I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
