TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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