Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
