I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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