His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
