I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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