What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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