I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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