thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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