the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There r osticjed everywhere
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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