i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize