We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
