So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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