White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
