Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
