I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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