eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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