Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
