Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
