his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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