and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
