Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize