Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
