TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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