Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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