That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
