3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
