I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
