pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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