I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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